Omg.. Dont tell me....

That you did not sleep last night in order to do what I've done to you?

Hope it isn't true.

If you want it to be like that, I can go many nights without sleeping.

On.. daily dose

Today's productivity = 0%.

My boss gonna be awed if he knows that I have been chatting all the while in office today.

Merdeka! Tomorrow. Late dinner tonight.

Long day tomorrow.

On glimpse of the past..

"First love always sucks".
"Even best friends can get married without going through a relationship first".

Hokkien fever..

I met quite a number of hokkien people nowadays. Furthermore, my hokkien was rotten down to a level that I could not even speak some basic verbs. And I just found out that, I can't even understand some of those hokkien words anymore.

Having some kind of hokkien-phobia now. Feels like having a fever. Is it because of hokkien? :x

I got cantonese and hokkien mixed up last night. Could not speak proper hokkien anymore.

Dizzy, and sad.

Have .. to.. stay.. up... until.. office.. hour.. is.. over..

Current status..

In dreamlike state.

I hope everything will go back to normal in these few days time. Life is great. An ever changing variety. Sometimes it's moving too fast for me until I can't hold on to it. Sometimes it's moving so slow that I feel like I can jump ahead of it. But that's the essence of life that makes it interesting. Isn't it so?

I believe everyone of us didn't sleep at all last night. Sure it's fun to hang out with them. Though most of the time we couldn't think of anything interesting to do. Oh well. Can't deny that most of the time I have spent usually would be having DoTA sessions or just simple yum-cha ones. Just got to know a new group of friends, really really interesting. Though I sucked at it. :D

Well, I can't be sure how much I've spent on phone bills itself. But the Digi reload bonus was valued at RM 83 when I last checked it. So if you're a Digi user, you would have known how much I have spent. Actually, I feel that it's worth every single cent I spent to get to know this group of new friends, and especially, this particular person. Hope to keep in touch with them from time to time. I have no regret at all. Totally, NONE.

I miss someone terribly much.. You know who you are.

May: Since you're on a rush to get on the plane..

Here's all I want to say to you in a short conversation but too bad I could not convey. So, I'll just type it out here instead of letting it go wasted. :D

"Well, since this is our last conversation while you're in m'sia, please accept my sincere wishes for your safe journey home. I'll pray for your well being and finally, I admit that I will miss you, as a friend. It was nice to meet you up and hanging out with you, of course I hope we can keep in touch though. After all has been said and done, I'm looking forward to see you in 2 years time!"

Uhm.. though it has no effect here. Just to keep a record before I forgot what I'm about to say.

Psst: You shouldn't talk on the cellphone while on the plane. Geez.

Good luck in whatever you do!

Idiotic me.

In the office at 6 am in the morning!

Finally, transform back to my full self. I can see things better now. Understand better now.

Been living in fast pace life for the past four days. Before that, everything is at a slow pace and I can catch up pretty soon. Well, the four days really inject some motivation in me.

I have realize that there are actually many more things I can do except to whine and die at the same spot where I started.

#1) I'll beg for forgiveness from those which I've annoyed when I'm having fast pace life.
#2) Tune down the metabolism level of my body.
#3) Acquire back all the memory that has been erased.
#4) Improve my relationship with ALL my friends! Grrrrr.
#5) Enjoy life to the fullest!
#6) Help others to enjoy their life to the fullest!

Anyway, due to the ease of my small peanut sized brain to calculate logical solution and provide explanation, I will still keep on using it to guide people I've stumbled upon, along in their lives.

Hey you, Mr. Lee, where's my Milo 3-in-1? You finished it last Friday. Grrr. I've ordered it since last Friday. Now now. You better buy it by today. Or else......

Anyway, Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you will safely arrive in NYC, and I'll pray for your safe journey and well being. So don't give up so easily on problems you come across, a'ight? I'm always here. And don't give up on Min too. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Going to meet up with Lee Aun this week in Asia Cafe.

So far so good.

Recovering.. recovering.. 90%....

How it is supposed to end.

Well. Yeah. At least she is leaving. Won't be seeing her for at least another 2 years. Perhaps it's enough for me to let my spirit die down by itself.

Yeah. This is definitely an answer. Finally something can be seen clearly in this thick haze.

Love? Bah. Only fools will fall in love.

Possible explanation?

Perhaps it could have been mine if I was competent enough. Perhaps it has been decided that, even if I could have laid my hands on it, I would not be good enough to keep it intact. That's why it's not given to me in the first place.

I'm sure that is quite true. But with all these emails, all those calls, are those meant nothing? Did I dive too deep into something that I can't climb up ever again? I thought I was close. But was it my mistake to let you fall into someone else hands instead of mine?

I tried in the beginning. Sacrificing my sleep just to talk. Writing emails as long as a chapter in the book. But did I fail in delivering my actual intention to you? Argh! I can't understand.. I don't understand.. I wouldn't understand..

After all, I am an idiot. Feel like killing myself.

Is that a simple hope which I see in the speck of light in the never ending tunnel? Or is it just another place which I can find no solace from sadness and despair. I need a looking glass. Here, give me better vision, I am willing to give you my most loyal servant - Both pair of hands.

So is it the end of me?

4:50 am. My body feels top heavy. I'm dizzy and drowsy. My fingers can't really respond to any signal from my brain anymore. Vision become blurry. Is this my limit? Has been sleeping for less than 24 hours total up since Thursday night.

I must.. at least... stay.. up.. for ... one... more... time.

Heck, you can take away my sleep. I don't need them anymore. Even if it means shorten my life span by half. I'm willing to do it. If it means to make me crippled, I'm willing to do it. The urge is stronger than anything else.

I've sampled the best and the taste lingers. I can find no others taste which can come close to that. Let alone equalling it.

This is not the last chance, or else, I hoped. (Because I always let chances slip away).

Craziness eating me up.

I wanted to let go. But I can't afford to.
I wanted to let go. But I don't want to.
I wanted to let go. But I decided not to.
I wanted to let go. But I know it's not time to give up yet.

Until all documents has been signed and everything is settled, then only I shall give up on this pathetic life of mine.

Til then, I shall remain strong and trying to work for what I want. Our destiny is not determined by anything before it happens. Even a fortuneteller's words might be wrong. Human are human.

I am just trying to make myself feeling better until the day I can actually forget all these foolishness and start on a new life.

As for the other one.

My dear M, I'm sorry that I could not hang out with you while you're in KL because I have jobs to attend to. When I don't call you, it's not that I don't want to talk to you. I understand that you already have someone else beside you all the time, so I wouldn't wanna act like I wanted to take advantage of it when you're in M'sia. If I don't bother about all that, geez, I would see you the first thing in the morning, and would be the last to leave you during night time. Trust me, I treasure our friendship more than anything else at this moment. Thanks for being there when I need you.

Please take care during your trip back to NYC. I know it's a 24 hours long flight, I know it's boring. Well, come to think of it, you get to see your partner when you get back, and you get to see me when you reach M'sia. Isn't it a bliss to know that you have allies on both side of the world? :D Come on. Cheer up.

Prepare to receive a barrage of emails though.

Have a nice day and take care!

Harsh words.

My dear N, you should know by now, both of us will have no chance to being together anymore. Please remember, we haven't started anything so I believe we are just being friends. Not even close friends or best friends. Don't put too much hope in this kind of things. If we started as friends, we will remain as friends. No way friends can evolve into a relationship. I don't like that idea, therefore, from now on, I have decided to ignore your texts and have a nice day with those "other" guys you mentioned that you have.

"The world has no handsome guys anymore" -> YEAH RIGHT! HELL RIGHT YOU ARE. The moment you said those words, I am sure that we have no chance of being together anymore. Why not you go check your eye sight. Go try LASIK, I have just gotten a quotations from Vista last week. You interested?

Well, you have my blog address. To check it out or not, it's up to you. I have given you some tips though.

Good luck in your future "encounter" with human from other planets.. Since earth has no people who can impress you anymore.

Get the **** out of my life. But if you insist, I'm going to change my number anyway. :D Have a nice day though.

Thoughts..

With all the technology available today, human can still lose contact with one another. It's not that the technology is not perfect, it's not that we did not try our best to communicate. It's because of human nature itself. At the end of the day, it's still our way of thinking governs all our action. Willingness plays a large part in it.

Only idiots will leave it up to fate because it is ourselves who can make the fate happens.

What our small pair of hands can accomplish in this world, I'm sure all of us knows deep inside our heart.

When time is a constraint..

We often make the wrong decision. Everything else can be recovered except time itself.

I wanted to meet her, but I decided against it. We have only like 2 hours to spend and she has to attend her family dinner later. Tomorrow she's flying back to US. And the next time I can meet her, only god knows when.

I.. always make the worst mistake when it matters most. Need some steroids to wake myself up.

Conflicting thoughts.

Should I call her or should I not? She might be free right now or she might be busy.

I wanted to let go, but what is there to let go? We have nothing in between us, except friendship. I'm just infatuated with her, I guess. To prevent developing more interest in her, should I give up on friendship as well?

At this time of year, somehow a year ago, I was having the exact feelings too, but it's for someone else. But that feelings has been gone since end of last year. I knew I have to give up on her. One of the worst mistake I have done -> Late for 3 hours for an appointment with her and kept her waiting even. I could have made a wiser choice. Argh. Now we barely act as friends anymore. She doesn't pick up my calls, doesn't reply my texts. Gee. This is bad.

Missed chances.

I always let go of chances too easily. My friend told me that it's better to let go of chances for the first time so we can be aware of it the next time. But, how do we know that there is a second chance? Lightning never struck twice at the same place.

I do think that we should grab hold of the first available chance that comes our way no matter what we are doing. But never try to reach beyond our grasp.

May, I regret for not treating you like a friend last time. Is it too late for me to apologize now?

Funniest text message ever..

我真的绝望了,花果山被开发成旅游区,师傅前几天和白骨精成了亲,昨天没钱吃饭,我把金箍棒也卖了,真怀念我们一起取经的日子,二师弟你还好吗?

Socrates?

Sounds like someone who wrote the lost dialogue of Plato.

I didn't get to visit BloggersAreMorons site when it was buzzing with activities. When I went there this morning, uh, seems like nobody is there anymore. Yikes.

Sent 2 Bangladeshi workers to the clinic yesterday because one of them accidentally bashed his head against something and it was bleeding quite badly. Hesitated because I was in a rural area in Sungai Mas, and there were two of them, and I was there alone. But oh well, saving life is still the most important thing. Send them all the way to Uptown. Life is great.

Working for almost full day on Saturday. Programming isn't really my cup of coffee. Bleak looking future.

Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!

Dem that MPSJ. They closed down the junction leading from Federal Highway into SJMC. So we have to take big U-turn to reach SJMC from Federal Highway next time.

On the way back, the road leading to Federal Highway is so congested that I decided to try out the NPE. It was a long stretch of elevated highway.. Gee, my instinct told me to follow the Yellow Brick Road... follow the Yellow Brick Road.. in the end, I found myself in somewhere, over the rainbow.

Glad I just took 2 hours to travel to SJMC and back.